Beautiful Lies Read online

  “Oh, do not act as if you were born yesterday. Things like that happen all the time. No, Lilly’s father never had sex with her. He only beat her every day of her childhood. Put her in the hospital several times. Her mother covered it up. Lilly ended up with a nasty little drug habit during her adolescent and teen years because of it. She kicked it, but not without a stint in the mental ward. After she was declared fit, she started modeling. But she is still a psych case if you ask me. If anyone knew the real Lilly, they would run for the hills.”

  Goddamn. I had such a visceral reaction that I felt like I was being dismembered right at that table. Lilly had so many secrets. What else was she hiding from me? Fuck, I had my own demons to fight, let alone trying to help someone else battle theirs.

  Our waitress delivered our food: porterhouse steaks delicately seasoned with sea salt and peppercorns, tender steamed asparagus, and fluffy buttermilk mashed potatoes. The decadent meal sent a desirous shudder through me, but I was not about to eat the food of my enemy. My reluctance to eat did not make any difference to Sig, however. He sliced into his extremely blue-rare steak and lapped the piece around in the blood puddle.

  Sig said, “Do you know what people need? It is not air, food, water, not even God. It is money. People will die and kill for it. The wealthy like me would not stoop to die for money. But we most certainly will kill for it.”

  I really was not in the mood for Sig’s games. I just wanted to know how Lilly was. “What is your point, Sig?” I asked, trying to move the menacing conversation along.

  He held up his fork and admired the bloody meat. “The point of all that money is to control other people. That is what people like me do. We do not know how to operate in any other way. You see, money and the promise of fame is how I maintain my hold on Lilly. But it has come to my attention that she has taken on a lover. Whoever he is, he has pissed on my tree. Fortunately, I have Wotherspoon and Associates. They have assured me that my happiness is their priority. As you know, your firm has a steady connection to law enforcement. And that Xander…he is a prince. I have heard many tales about his exploits—like something about a missing associate named Gene Byrd. So when I find out who the other man is, he will be destroyed in every way possible. I will personally see to it. As a side note, I will do terrible, terrible things to Lilly, too, for having betrayed my trust. I have the means to get away with just about anything.”

  Then Sig shoved the chunk of steak in his mouth. He chewed it like a cat that just caught a mouse as he eyeballed me. I could not be sure if he was threatening me or just being himself. But I did know that staying away from Lilly might be the most loving act I could perform for her.

  My cheek was still red and slightly swollen from Sig’s slap, and I was nursing it with a cold compress.

  Under normal conditions I would have been thankful to have the house all to myself. But Sig was in town having lunch with Cam. I was anxious about their meeting. Cam was in love with me, and I worried that he would confront Sig with the true nature of our relationship. Plus I really wanted to be at that lunch too, sans Sig. I desperately missed Cam. I wanted to hold him, kiss him, and tell him that I was sorry for bringing him into my chaotic life.

  I had to distract myself or else I would have gone totally insane. I decided that I needed some aromatherapy and headed for one of many linen closets for some candles. But something struck me as I passed Sig’s office. I peered inside and could see the memory of Sig ghost sitting at his computer, his face consumed with sexual desire. So many times I had stumbled upon him typing with fury as he engaged in some illicit Internet chat with some other lover.

  For a second I felt hurt by the remembrance of his indiscretion, but that was quickly replaced by indignation. How dare that motherfucker? I was faithful to him the entire time we had been together, barring the time I had recently spent with Cam. Shit, I suddenly felt justified for screwing Cam because of all the crap Sig had put me through. He was lucky that fucking Cam was the worst thing I had done. Sig deserved so much more.

  It was about time I grew some balls and found out who Sig was chatting with. I raised the lid on his computer and immediately went into snoop mode. But I could not access any information. I did not know his password, which he changed nearly every day. It didn’t matter anyway because I heard Sig’s limo driving across the rocks in front of the house. I peeked outside and saw the chauffeur letting him out.

  I positioned Sig’s computer back into the exact spot I found it and wiped off my fingerprints. Like a frog hyped up on sugar, I leaped into the kitchen in one fell swoop. I leaned against the counter as if I had been standing there the whole time. I tensed up as I watched the door. I would know if Sig knew about Cam and me by whether he came in with his usual snarl or a gun instead.

  The doorknob creaked as it was turned as slowly as a sloth crawling through syrup. I gripped the countertop a little tighter with dreaded anticipation. I swear Sig was taking his time just to be dramatic. Such a fucking queen. He finally entered. The snarky expression and sucking of his yellow-ass, cakey teeth let me know just how enthused he was to see me. But aside from his pout and urgent need for dental care, I could not make out anything else going on in that mind of his. I took it upon myself to break the silence.

  “So how was your day? Was your meeting with Cam productive?” Shit. My voice cracked while trying to fake Sig out. I knew I had pushed my luck and that Sig sniffed out my pitiful ruse.

  “What do you care about my meeting with Mr. Sterling? You have no reason to concern yourself with my business. Do you?”

  “No, I was just wondering how my boyfriend’s day went.”

  “I bet you were,” Sig said. There was an undertone in his voice that inferred that Cam was really the one who was my boyfriend. He looked at me, waiting for my face to tell the truth about the nature of my relationship with Cam. I was tired of playing games with this old man. It took a massive amount of self-control not to tell him that Cam had given me the best fucking day—and when I say fucking, I literally mean fucking—of my whole life. In your face, Sig. To hell with you. Now what? But instead of going off like I was on Steve Wilkos’s stage, I played it cool and gave Sig the sweetest smile I could muster.

  With the situation diffused, Sig backed off. “I have to make an emergency trip to Thailand tomorrow. One of the factories is having some issues. You can’t go.”

  Oh, motherfucker. As if I wanted to.

  “That’s totally okay. I understand,” I said as I tried to curb a gigantic “yippee” that was a hair’s breadth away from slipping off my tongue. Sig just did not know that I was pretty much popping bottles anytime he went out of town. That is when I was free from his spindly-fingered grip. Hell, the only time the stank bitch ever took me on trips was for show, to promote his perfect boyfriend image.

  However, out of nowhere, one naughty chortle escaped my mouth. Sig menaced toward me and sneered, “Yes, I am sure my absence will cause you no distress. It gives you the chance to do whatever—or whoever—you would like.” Sig put four fingers behind my neck and kept his thumb on my larynx. “I do not trust you, Lilly. Not one bit. I know you have another lover. But you think you are so smart…that you’ve covered your tracks.”

  I shook my neck out of Sig’s cold embrace and backed into the counter. Looking at his putrid face made me want to punch him square in the nose. He looked so much like my father. The more I saw the resemblance, the more paralyzed I became. With those glacial eyes and lifeless, bleached skin, Sig could easily pass for my father’s brother.

  “I already told you. There is no one else,” I stuttered.

  “Like I said, when I find out who he is, I will rain fire down upon both of you. So if you care anything about your piece of dick, you better leave him alone.”

  Sig thought I was weak. And he was right about that. But he also thought I was profoundly dumb. As if I had no clue as to why he was really going to Thailand. I knew the trip was a guise. It was an excuse to spend time with his lo
ver without the prying eyes of the American paparazzi or me finding out. I had finally reached a tipping point concerning his double standard. Sig could have a jump-off while I am supposed to only get ass fucked by him? That was some bullshit.

  My pussy had enjoyed being serviced by Cam and wanted some more. And that same pussy gave me a teensy bit of backbone and forced me to speak up for her. “Even if I was screwing someone else, who are you to have any say so?” my channeled pussy said. “You…on your computer all the time. With your secrets. Why are you so worried about what I’m doing? Who the shit are you fucking?”

  Okay, pussy, calm the hell down. You’re going to get us both killed in here.

  Pussy said back to me, Oh, no. This fool needs to know.

  Sig stepped backward, almost stumbling, not believing the words spewing from my acrid tongue. I stood there with my eyes wide as fuck too; I was in disbelief myself.

  “What did you just say to me?” Sig asked like an executioner about to drop the blade of a guillotine.

  My face had just healed up, and I did not want to get hit again. “Nothing.”

  “What?” Sig said as he grabbed my face.

  “Nothing, Sig, nothing.”

  I longed to fight back. But my insecurities made my fists limp and weakened my voice. I understood that he was not my true enemy, just one of many manifestations of two foes. The foes I could not defeat were the haunting memories of my past and the knowledge that I was nothing special. In fact, I was subpar. I had to be. Otherwise no one would have even thought to hurt me like they did when I was a child. If I were special or worthy, other people would have seen it, especially my father. The one person who should have loved and protected me the most. But I reasoned that I had to be truly fucked up if not even my own father could love me. That is why my feet stayed planted as Sig tore into my soul.

  Satisfied with his win, Sig released me. Then Lin came in to mop the kitchen. She abruptly stopped as she caught the tail end of my chastisement. I saw that look of pity on her face. It was so ironic that I was hailed as the lucky one to outsiders— so rich, so beautiful. But the truth was that this housekeeper was so much greater than me.

  “Go upstairs and pack my clothes,” Sig ordered Lin. She nodded in compliance and started out of the kitchen but turned back and looked at my shamed face. Her eyes showed so much fear for me. But more than that I saw my reflection in the darkness of Lin’s eyes, and I did not like what I saw. I was jarred, shaken up. A gigantic fissure cracked inside me. A lightning-strike epiphany suddenly bolted through my skull. I had wasted too much time feeling sorry for myself. All the ruminating about the past, my father, and stupid self-worth issues had taken a toll on me. I was an empty vessel. Thank goodness for Cam. That man resuscitated me. Now it was my turn.

  I was standing at that proverbial fork in the road with no map or GPS. I could not turn back and keep repeating the same sob story. Shit, that tome was starting to bore even me. To go forward would require the courage to admit that if I remained screwed up, it was my own doing. I had to make a change. Even if I never saw Cam again, I still would have been grateful because the short time we were together opened my eyes to other realities. Mind you, I still wanted that spokesmodel spot. Fuck, I earned that with blood and tears. But I also wanted so much more. A life with no more fear, anxiety, or those goddamn pills. I knew where all of this was heading. Eventually I would have to take a stand.

  Suddenly I was jolted out of contemplation by Sig’s demanding voice.

  “What are you looking at? Why are you still standing there? Get my clothes ready…now,” Sig said to Lin.

  Lin lingered at the door for a moment as if beckoning me to leave with her. She wanted so badly to rescue me. I just lowered my head; I could not even look her in the eye. Lin showed sympathy by choosing not to prolong my embarrassment. She disappeared into the house, while Sig poured himself a glass of wine.

  “I’ve got so many people on my payroll, people who can make sure you disappear. You must know by now that nobody can help you,” Sig said as he made his way to the door. He put his hand on the doorframe and chuckled as if he heard the funniest joke ever. “And no one can help him either. Whoever he is.”

  Sig took a swig of his wine and sauntered out. Left alone in the kitchen, I was quickly filled with a sense of exhilaration. Maybe I could actually have another life? A smile crossed my face as I lightly danced around the kitchen, contemplating the infinity possibilities. However, in midtwirl, a wrenching pain seared through my belly. I recognized that pain immediately. It was the first sign of a genuine panic attack, not like that fainting spell I had at Cam’s. I tried to breathe my way out of it, but that did nothing except make me gasp for air even harder. The room started to wobble, and I veered into a wall for support.

  Would I ever be able to overcome this anxiety? Not today. Anybody for a Xanax cocktail?

  Chapter Fourteen

  The backs of my closed eyelids looked red from the glare of the morning sun. I opened my eyes, nearly blinded by the bright light, and then rolled over toward the empty side of the bed. I wished that Lilly were there. The separation had taken its toll on me. I was cranky, could not focus at work, and did not have the fortitude to eat a decent meal in some days.

  Despite the disparaging things Sig told me about Lilly, I still could not quench my desire to see her again. Maybe she had overcome her demons. I mean Sig was not exactly the truthful type. And I knew he had an inkling that I bedded Lilly. That fucker probably would tell all sorts of lies to keep me from her.

  Still half asleep, I was on autopilot. Instinct made me pick up my cell phone and dial Lilly’s number. If I had been fully awake, I am not so sure I would have done that. I was not only taking a chance with my career but risking my life. I did not care. I wanted to talk to her, and nothing was going to stop me. The phone rang for a long time, and I was about to hang up. Then an angelic voice came over the airwaves.

  “Hello. Cam?” Lilly said.

  “Lilly?”

  “Of course. Were you trying to reach someone else? I can hang up.” She had the cutest laugh to accompany her lame attempt at humor.

  “No, no, no. You are exactly the person I want to talk to. Can you talk?”

  “Yeah. Sig is out of town.”

  I did a “yes” arm pump. “Great. When can I come over?”

  Lilly let go of an uncomfortable snort. “Cam, I think Sig knows about us. As much as I want to see you, I can’t. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “I see Sig threatened you too. Look, I promise to never see or talk to you again if you can honestly tell me that you don’t want me.”

  The silence from the other end let me know that Lilly was trying to come up with some excuse or, better yet, lie. But she could not say that she did not want me.

  “Cam, why are you doing this to me?” Lilly asked.

  “Doing what to you?”

  “Making me choose between you and Sig.”

  “I’m not asking for a commitment. Just some of your time. Look, I know you’re lonely and scared about the future. You don’t have to think about that. Let’s just have a good time. Just dinner. No pressure. How about it?”

  Lilly played it coy, hesitating for a few moments. She was torturing me by making me wait for her to answer. She said, “There’s no harm in dinner, right? Anyway what Sig doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

  I waited for Cam amid a shower of snow shimmering against the daylight. A sliver of a breath mint bounced around my mouth. I wondered if I was being presumptuous, assuming I was going to get a kiss. This was just supposed to be dinner—an early one apparently as it was just after 2:00 p.m. Just in case something else went down, I made sure to put on the most amazing cocktail dress I had. Underneath my sheepskin coat was a strapless Vera Wang, definitely more of a summer dress. But I thought, Fuck it. It’s crazy sexy. Amazingly, the frostbite-inducing temperature had no effect on me at all. That is because lurid thoughts about Cam kept me warm.

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sp; A flutter of butterflies tickled my insides as my anticipation grew exponentially with each passing minute. I rocked on my feet as I craned my neck looking down the long driveway. I was surprised that I had absolutely no guilt about what I was doing. However, I was a bit frustrated that I had let myself go for so long without this type of satisfaction while living with Sig. I had missed out on so much—fun, excitement, and ultimate pleasure. Why had I limited myself ? Why had I not demanded more? Fuck me for letting Sig take the best of me and use it up like a dirty napkin.

  The rumble of Cam’s motorcycle made its presence known before any visual contact was made. I took a deep breath to calm myself down and to not appear too anxious. But it was not working. The truth was that I was a complete nervous wreck. I started to feel myself trembling. My pussy started to moisten, some kind of Pavlov’s dog reaction to Cam.

  The motorcycle rounded the bend. When Cam came into view, I saw that he was dressed way more casually than me. He sported an obsidian leather jacket, dark jeans, and Doc Martens. He looked like a black knight riding up on his steel steed. I know I should have been upset that he was what I considered terribly underdressed. But he looked so good; I could not help but cut him some slack.

  I approached Cam as he parked in front of the house. “So what’s this? You know they have dress codes at five-star restaurants nowadays,” I said with mock irritation.

  Cam rose off the bike and lifted his helmet off. The heat had glossed his hair, and he slicked it back with his hands. While he did that, his deep-set eyes swept over my body as he smiled that smirky grin. Swoon.

  “You must have mistaken me for someone else. I never said we were going to some hoity-toity place.”

  “So where are you taking me? Burger King?” I opened my coat to let Cam see my outfit as an indication of the type of restaurant I was expecting to go to.

  “Hey, Burger King! I didn’t think about that. That’s actually a good idea.”