Beautiful Lies Read online

  Oh, no, Sig. Don’t do it. Please don’t do it. Not here.

  The room started to rapidly spin, yet I heard Sig’s next words in slow motion. “Will you marry me?” He almost seemed sincere.

  Though everyone else in the room thought Sig’s proposal was a beautiful gesture, I knew it was really an order. He had orchestrated this whole drama. Not only did he come off like the most wonderful lover in the world, but he upped the ante by giving me the spokesmodel position. He knew that with all the press there I would not say no, that I would save face.

  Damn my alter ego.

  Still in shock, I started to swoon, and my head bobbled in such a way that it appeared that I had nodded in the affirmative.

  What! No, wait. I didn’t mean to do that. God, could you please reverse the rotation of the earth so we could start all over again? Fuck me. Where is Superman when you need him?

  Suddenly there was a loud pop, and confetti fell like a storm under a circus tent. The crowd lost its mind and filled the room with cheering and clapping. Cam stood at the back of the room with his mouth agape. He watched with disbelief as Sig planted a weird smooch on my resisting lips. In that moment Sig and I turned into Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie sharing that horrendous VMA kiss. His lips released mine with the sound of a vacuum.

  Sig turned to the crowd. “She said yes. Lilly Amsel is going to be my wife.”

  While Sig spoke to reporters, I waved them off as I tried to cork an impending bout of hyperventilation. If I had been stronger, I would have gone off on Sig right then and there.

  However, insecurity and the desire to keep up appearances made me keep it classy. I decided to let him down easy when we got home.

  Amid all the well-wishers, I noticed that one person was not there. I looked around the room and only caught a fleeting glimpse of Cam’s coattail as he disappeared out the door. I started to go after him when a heavy hand landed hard on my shoulder. I did not even have to turn around to see who it belonged to. That is because I recognized the hot breath that smelled like sewage, and it belonged to Xander. He swung me around so that I faced him and his stanky foot-sweat breath. He had seen Cam leave, too, and knew that I was going to follow him. Xander was an excellent enforcer and was not about to let that happen.

  “I know why Sig is doing this. But you? Why are you doing it? You don’t even know me. Do you have any sort of heart?” I asked Xander.

  He just looked at me. He was void, totally blank. I was stunned that a human being could have absolutely no empathy for another.

  Sig joined us. “Lilly, Xander is part of our family now. But he will only be called upon if I need him. Don’t make me need him. Do you understand?” Sig said as he pulled Xander and me closer together.

  Little did I know that while I was trapped with Sig and Xander, Chief Pepperdine was going through my purse and confiscated my cell phone.

  Under the eagle eyes of Sig and Xander, I took a seat. Even though it was not the best, my life as I knew it had indeed ended. I was dead. Xander and Sig were the pallbearers. The blue dress truly was the one I was buried in.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Well, Lilly. I guess you got one over on me. I didn’t think anyone could do that, but you somehow managed to fuck me over. That’s okay. It looks like you and Sig are a perfect match. He’s an asshole. And you? Maybe birds of a feather… well, you know the rest. I hate to say this because it is hard for me, but I won’t call you again. Really, what you did was beyond reproach. Despite that I want you to know that I did care for you deeply. And though you betrayed me, somehow I still wish you the best. Good-bye, Mrs. Krok.”

  That was the last message I left on Lilly’s cell phone. Ever since Sig’s proposal, I had been caught in a cyclone that had blown my heart hither and yon. I could hardly fathom that Lilly was actually going to marry another man. And out of all the men in the world she could have chosen, she picked Sig. Wow. That proved that she was one big mindfuck.

  Thinking back, it was my screw-up, though. It was my mistake for trusting Lilly. I believed her lies, was entrapped by her beauty, and fell hard for all her deceptions. Shit, I don’t even want to think about her pussy.

  Sig was right about Lilly. She was the type of woman who never went backward when it came to the financial stature of her men. Sig had the cash and power. I was a mere lawyer, grasping at a partnership. Lilly played me against Sig; she must have been weighing her options the whole time. I guess he came out on top.

  I could not believe Lilly put me through all that bullshit just so she could get a little bit of fame and a ring. In the end, I was nothing more to her than a glorified pool boy—good enough to fuck when the rich husband wasn’t around but not worth giving up all that money for. Shit, as good as I fucked Lilly, she could have at least left me a few dollars on the nightstand.

  Fuck the bitch! I loved her. I gave her my heart and soul, and she stomped on them like they were roaches under her pumps. I just don’t get how she could be all over me one minute, all lovey-dovey, and then the next turn so cold. I would have given everything to her. Everything. My life even.

  Lilly came up the winner. She got to fuck around and secure the money and a promotion too. What did I get? Just more loneliness.

  After I left The Plaza that day, I called Lilly a few times. At first I just wanted to hear her say that I did not really witness her accepting Sig’s proposal—that it was all my imagination. But when she didn’t answer or return any of my calls or texts, I realized that what had transpired was not a hallucination. Lilly was going to be Sig’s wife.

  As I noted, I made only one more phone call after that epiphany. It was the last message I would ever leave for her. Of course, Lilly did not respond to that one either.

  That voice message was supposed to be a purge for me. But it had no cathartic value whatsoever. It just left the whole mess open-ended and me a wreck. My mind seemed determined to obsess about Lilly. The first few thoughts of her always made me smile. I remembered her funny laugh, that Valley Girl voice, and how sweet she was to help me resolve the pain surrounding my mother. I actually missed her. However, the fact that she had blown me off and that haunting image of her accepting Sig’s proposal reminded me that she was nothing to be upset over. She was just another user.

  I sat in my living room with the shades drawn. My anguished headspace wanted nothing more than to disappear into the darkness. My only friends were the bottles of Jack Daniels now littering my home. I was not a heavy drinker by nature, but that whiskey got me through manic bouts of missing Lilly and despising her at the same time.

  As occurs with all stupors, I was compelled to do something stupid, namely drunk dial Lilly. That’s why I purposefully kept the phone on the other side of the room. However, I could not take my eyes off of it. It was a snake charmer, and I was a cobra. The more the phone enticed me to call, the longer my swigs became. That bottle was emptying fast, and I knew that my resolve not to call her would be nil when I ingested the last drop of booze.

  A diversion was necessary. I did pick up that phone and dialed. I did not want to, but it was an emergency. A familiar voice answered.

  “Hello?”

  I wished like hell it was Lilly, but Rebecca had to do.

  “Hey. What’s up?” I said.

  She paused, not pleased that I had neglected to call her for quite some time. “Nothing. Long time, no hear.”

  “Yeah, just busy,” I said as I took another gulp of whiskey.

  “I called you a few times…”

  A few times? Woman, it was more like a million.

  “When you didn’t get back to me, I thought maybe you were mad or something else…like you had another girlfriend.”

  I knew she was probing me in her not-so-subtle manner. There was no way was I going to mention Lilly. I preferred to keep her to myself.

  “Just busy. I called to see if you had any plans tonight. Do you want to come over?” I asked halfheartedly.

  Rebecca inhaled with exciteme
nt like a child opening up a yearned-for Christmas gift. She must have caught the fireworks in her voice and took it down a notch. She was still peeved at my inattentiveness and was not going to reward me for it. “Why should I come over? I haven’t heard from you in ages. What do you think I am? Some kind of booty call?”

  Uh, yeah.

  “No, of course not. I just really want to see you. Don’t you want to see me too?”

  “Yes,” she said almost before I finished my sentence. “You don’t mind that it’s not Sunday night?”

  I knew that this was yet another test question. She was really asking if I considered her my girlfriend. Normally, I would not have Rebecca over at any other time. But since Lilly was betrothed to another man, I figured, What the fuck? Why not invite Rebecca over randomly?

  “I know what day it is, and I’m asking you to come over.” I was not even thinking about the words coming out of my mouth. I was a robot speaking programmed words and phrases. I didn’t give a shit.

  “Okay, I’ll be right over. Cam, I love—”

  I hung up before she could finish. I didn’t give a flying fuck how she felt about me. She had but one purpose—to make me forget about Lilly.

  I stared down at the twenty-carat monstrosity on my left hand. I swear I needed a crane to lift my fucking finger.

  The engagement ring was incredible. It somehow managed to trap all the rays of the sun and radiate them back out with an obnoxious brilliance that blinded anyone who dared to stare directly into it. That ring made it clear to everyone within a fifty-mile radius that I was Sig’s property. I’m sure there was a chip hidden in the diamond, some sort of pussy-tracking device set upon a platinum band. Otherwise, I did not see the point in having an engagement ring of such ridiculous proportions.

  I looked down at my ball and chain and wondered how Cam was doing. He had looked so hurt at The Plaza. It caused me pain just thinking about it. I had been trying to ignore my inner longing to see him again. I tried meditation, exercise, eating, sleeping, and even some degrading coitus with Sig. Yeah, sex with Sig. I figured the gross-out factor would be enough to make me not want sex with anybody else. Still, my mind, soul, and body continued to pulsate for Cam.

  Though the reasons seemed right, being apart from Cam was sheer torture. My broken heart skipped beats as an eternity of hours slipped away. I had no more tears; I was cried out. Part of me knew I was supposed to be with Cam, that he was the one. The other part was well aware of the danger he faced if I tried to make that a reality.

  Still, I believed that he was owed an explanation. No one should have their heart torn apart and not be given closure. That wasn’t fair, and I knew it. I decided to take a chance and call Cam just to say I was sorry. Knowing him, I could not tell the truth. He would rail against not only Sig but Chief Pepperdine and Xander, which would surely lead to his death. I would give Cam some lame excuse that it was best this way— for me to marry Sig—and never see him again. I hoped that would not make him hate me too much. But if I were Cam, I would loathe me too.

  I went to get my phone straightaway before I lost my nerve, but it was not in my purse. I hadn’t seen it since The Plaza. I had no reason to use it. Tamara hated talking on the phone, and aside from her I had no real friends or family to contact. As far as business was concerned, I spoke to Sig directly.

  I searched the house, every cranny of it, and panicked when I realized my phone wasn’t there. I had not memorized Cam’s number but had it on my cell. Now what was I going to do? Even if I could get his number again, I couldn’t call from the house line. Sig would have a paper trail of my call. Besides, he probably had the phone tapped.

  I sank to the marble floor, feeling defeated and totally alone. Then it dawned on me that Sig was caught up in his new business ventures and had not put much interest in keeping me in my cage. He figured I was trained enough that he could let go of my leash every once in a while. I made up my mind to go to Cam’s home and tell him myself. I knew that was dangerous because something I did not want to experience would probably happen. Either Cam would curse me out, and I would feel like shit for the rest of my life, or we would end up in bed together, risking his life. Regardless, I still needed to have that final talk with him.

  After much internal debate, I got in my car, trying not to think about the consequences if I got caught. I focused only on getting to Cam.

  My fist hovered in front of the door. I was terrified of knocking. I had no idea what to expect once Cam caught sight of me. I pulled my hand back and stalled a little by running my fingers through my hair and wiping down my coat.

  Then I braced myself and knocked. I could hear some rumbling inside, but no one came out. I knocked again, harder this time. I could hear footsteps but found it strange that the steps were light, dainty even. What the fuck? I got a weird feeling that this whole scene was going to be bad. If I were in my right mind, I would have left right then and there. But when have I ever been in my right mind? I stayed put. Still, no one answered. I was just about to leave when the door finally creaked open.

  A small woman was standing there. She was pretty—gorgeous, even. I stepped back and looked at the door and the surroundings to make sure I was in the right place.

  “I’m sorry it took me so long, but I had to find some clothes to put on.” She was wearing Cam’s favorite college T-shirt from his alma mater and his sweatpants, which swamped her.

  “Uh, I was looking for Cam,” I said, totally bewildered. “Is he anywhere around? I’m sorry…who are you?”

  The cute girl stretched out her hand. “I’m Becky.”

  I shook her hand and kept shaking it. This was the girl who left all those crazy messages on Cam’s phone when we were in the mountains. My face started to contort as my eyes honed in on her. She was trying to take her hand back, but I was not letting go.

  “Where’s Cam? Is he in there?”

  Becky was no dummy. Right then her intuition told her that I was not just some chick coming by for a casual visit. She knew that I was the reason for Cam’s brief disappearance from her life. Becky yanked her hand out of mine.

  “Cam’s not here right now. He went out to get us breakfast. We had a long night, you know. Built up quite the appetite.” She smirked. “You know how that is. You do have a boyfriend, don’t you?”

  Fucking cunt.

  Becky was pushing it. She kept playing with the sweatshirt, trying to draw my attention to it. She saw me staring and made sure to rub it in.

  “Oh, this old thing. This is my boyfriend’s college sweatshirt. Look at it…so many holes. I have told him a gazillion times to throw it away, but he just loves it. I guess it’s my girlfriend duty to wear it. God, that man loves my scent on his clothes.”

  “His girlfriend? I was unaware that Cam had a girlfriend. He did mention that he was fucking some crazy bitch stalker, but never did he mention the word ‘girlfriend’ to me.”

  Becky knew I was talking about her and took a defensive posture. “Yeah, it’s pretty clear that he has a girlfriend—me. We’ve been dating for over a year.”

  With that, she opened the door so I could see in. The room was a tribute to a long night of fucking. Clothes were strewn all over the floor and furniture. Becky’s nasty little thong was draped over a floor lamp, while Cam’s boxers somehow managed to find a spot on the top shelf of his bookcase. From the way Cam’s favorite chair had been moved haphazardly to the middle of the floor, I could tell it was caused by hardcore sex.

  But the part that really singed me was the two plates on the dining table. That let me know that Cam had cooked for her. He told me he only cooked for someone special, and I thought that special one was me. How deluded was I?

  Becky slyly closed the door enough to block the view of the room. She knew she had fucked with my head and started to chuckle. “You never told me who you were and why you wanted to see Cam.”

  I was two seconds away from grabbing the bun high on her head and slinging her scrawny ass to the floor.
I wanted to scratch her fucking eyes out, kick her in her skanky twat, and take that sweatshirt for myself. My hand was rising to bitch slap her, but I caught myself. Becky was right. Cam was not my man. If she had a relationship with him for over a year and was there wearing his clothes, well, that made her his girlfriend in my opinion. I pocketed my hands. Becky had given me the closure I needed.

  “Who am I? Just an old friend. I came to tell Cam goodbye,” I finally answered as I turned around to leave.

  “You going somewhere? Like a vacation?”

  “No. It’s just a good-bye.” There was no need to turn back around. I just kept on walking away.

  I heard Becky snicker as she closed the door. If that had happened a few minutes earlier, I would have been all over her. But now I had resolved that Cam and I were through. The elevator doors opened, and I stepped in and stood at the back. As the doors closed, I thought how that would be the last time I would ever see that place. I felt like shattered glass and looked down to see if any shards had fallen off me.

  Driving through Midtown Manhattan was treacherous. The mayhem was not caused by insane cab drivers, dumbfounded tourists, or careless pedestrians. It was me. My mind was still reeling from my encounter with Becky, and its concentration level was at zero.

  I pulled over and parked. Leaning my head against the steering wheel was the only thing that remotely calmed my nerves. That relief was infinitesimal. I needed to vent. But to who? I decided on Tamara—Old Faithful. There was a cell phone store across the street, and I went in to purchase two. I made sure I got my same account with my old number on one phone. The other one I designated as my throwaway phone that Sig would never find out about. I activated the old account in the store.

  The phone displayed numerous calls and texts. Though I had not memorized Cam’s number, I did recognize it. There was no need to listen the messages. So, one by one, I deleted them. Those messages were my last connections to Cam, and with them gone, it made it clear that he was gone too.