Beautiful Lies Page 13

  Cam thought he was being funny, but I started to actually become irritated with his glib attitude. Shit, I did not get dressed up for nothing. “Really, where are we going?”

  Cam looked at me perplexed, and then a sardonic expression crossed his face. He pointed at the mansion and said, “So you’ve bought into this fantasy? You’re basically just some coddled couch poodle?”

  Seriously? Cam was goading me and enjoying every second of it. What the fuck was that all about? I, on the other hand, took total offense. I should have told him to get the hell off my property but…damn it. Why did he have to look so good? Shit, who was I trying to fool? I was still going to dinner with this sexy asshole. But first I would have to play it off.

  “Well, I do feel sorry for you,” I said, trying to put him in an underdog position.

  He smirk-laughed. “Really? You feel sorry for me? I got to hear this.”

  “You wanted to take me out and drove all the way out here just to spend some time together. Obviously you missed me. And here I am, basically rejecting your romantic overture. You must think I am so shallow.”

  Good mind fuck, Lilly.

  But Cam was too smart to fall for my manipulation. He put his helmet back on without any discussion. I stood there with my arms crossed, waiting for him to come to his senses. However, when he threw his leg over the seat, I saw that he was really leaving. Confounded, I rushed over to him.

  “Where are you going?” I asked, my voice beseeching. Cam took off his helmet and looked at me, trying to figure out what the fuck my problem was.

  “I asked you out because I had a great time the other night and genuinely wanted to see you again. I thought you were cool. But instead I get this game playing. You can save that bullshit for Sig because I have no tolerance for that.”

  Cam was right. I had let him down. I had spent too much time pretending to be some other woman. “She” was the one who just had that hissy fit—not me. I had forgotten what it was like to be honest with another person. I knew that the real me did not want to mess up my one chance at happiness. It was time to start shedding the façade and let the true me come out. But who was I? Shit, I could not even remember. I just had fragmented memories of who I used to be…the long-gone good part of me. Mercifully, something in my soul relented and allowed some repressed humbleness to break through.

  “I’m sorry. I was being rude…my alter ego,” I said.

  “Your alter ego is a bitch.” Cam laughed. He thought my comment was a joke. Sadly, he did not realize how real she was.

  “So are you still going to feed me?” I asked.

  “Of course. But you do realize that I had something else in mind,” Cam said as he subtly yet suggestively grazed his colossal erection. I swear to God I tried so hard not to react, not give him the satisfaction. However, I found my careless tongue sweep from one side to the other. Somehow I managed to force it back in but not without serious effort, and I had to draw in a much-needed breath to calm down.

  Damn it. Why does this man have to be so sticky delicious?

  A wry smile crossed Cam’s face as his pointed finger made reference to my clothing. “You need to change,” he said.

  Okay, Cam might have looked good, but I did too. I kept my coat open, waiting for at least a compliment. But he gestured toward the front door instead. “Go on in now and change. You want to eat, don’t you?”

  What? Seriously? Okay, I know that I was being an ass before. But I was totally mortified that Cam did not even notice how fucking fantastic I looked. Old habits die hard, and I felt my fragile alter ego rising up again. She was used to receiving endless compliments. That is how she thrived. Cam was testing her by not fawning. She wanted to tell him to fuck off. But the real me was hungry as hell, and there was nothing prepared in the house. And, God help me, Cam did look so good.

  For the first time I told my alter ego to shut the fuck up.

  She was not going to ruin this. I snatched my coat closed and clomped to the door but not too hard. I was not about to destroy my Jimmy Choos for anyone, including Cam.

  “I’ll be right back,” I said. My alter ego wrestled with me all the way to the front door. She told me I was a punk for letting Cam get the upper hand. She argued me down about how he thought I was an insignificant nobody who did not deserve the best in life, and that was why he was not taking me to a fancy restaurant, that he was going to serve me slop from a trough. But I took my alter ego by the neck and put a sleeper hold on her. I knew it would only render her unconscious for the night. But the night was all I needed.

  As I was about to duck into the house, Cam said, “By the way, you look beautiful. You’ve got me all worked up over here. Hurry. I don’t know how long I can take being away from you.”

  Oh, that did it. I knew that this date was supposed to be just dinner. But if Cam wanted it, he was so getting fucked tonight. I tried to play it like TLC…you know, crazysexycool. But when I tried to walk into the house, I ran into the door instead. I looked back at Cam and gave him the old “I meant to do that” look then clumsily went inside.

  “It is so chilly. You can come inside too, you know,” I said, trying to erase his memory of me slamming my face in the door.

  “No. I don’t want to go in Sig’s house unless it is absolutely necessary.” Cam was kind of chuckling. I could tell he was amused by my face whack. Talk about being embarrassed.

  “Suit yourself,” I said as I tried to maintain a composed front. “I’ll be right back.” I shut the door and leaned back on it. I lightly beat the back of my head on the panel. I still could not believe how bumbling I was. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

  But there was no time to mull over my blunder. I had a hunk of a man waiting for me outside. I practically ran right out of my Jimmy Choos and went up the stairs two at a time. I made it to my bedroom and scampered to the back of my closet. As I pulled out some casual clothing, I saw the handle of a suitcase peeking out from underneath some random boxes. I forgot that was even there. It had been secretly packed for years. When I first got it, I told myself an untruth. I said that I only had it just in case I wanted to go on an impromptu vacation. But deep inside I knew it was ready just in case I got up the courage to leave Sig. Was tonight that night?

  No, it was not. Cam did not invite me to live with him. It was just dinner. But the magic in the air made me want to grab that suitcase, run out with it, and beg Cam to take me away from all of that madness. I pushed the suitcase further back into the closet, making sure it would not be discovered by Sig.

  Maybe some other time, I thought. I sighed at the idea and then got right back to my clothing change. I flipped through every pair of jeans I owned—all Klå, mind you. Except one pair. I had kept my near-decade-old Levi’s 501s. They looked like redheaded stepchildren next to the perfectly crafted Klå jeans. They had a rubbed hole on the knee, frazzled hems, and were faded quite a bit. However, they were skin tight, acting as the perfect shapewear for my ass and thighs.

  Besides, I loved those jeans even though Sig despised them. He thought they were lowbrow, a sign of inferior breeding. I did not care about all that. I had bought those Levi’s when I had a moment of hope that things could actually turn out well for me. Though that fleeting moment disappeared fast, I wore those jeans like my life depended on it, hoping that the promising future they offered would someday come to pass. So far the only thing I got was Sig. But now Cam was waiting for me outside. Maybe he and I would not have forever, but at least I could experience one happy night in those jeans.

  I slipped on the Levi’s, a turtleneck, and a pair of boots. As I quickly touched up my makeup, the Xanax, Prozac, and Klonopin loomed in my peripheral vision. I tried to ignore their presence, but they whispered to me, pretending they were friends. They beckoned me to put them in my purse and take them with me. After all, I would need some help being funny and engaging. I had no way of doing that on my own. I tried to ignore the temptation. I wanted to try to be me, the real me. Not that fake, doped-up mi
rage. But the drugs told me I could not do it. There was no way I could hack being normal for a change.

  Quickly, I walked to the bedroom door and placed my hand on the knob. The drugs called to me again. This is your last chance. Do you want Cam to know what you really are? I closed my eyes and tried to draw in strength. It did not work. I relented to the drugs and retrieved them from the bathroom. I stuck them in my purse.

  Just in case. I won’t use them. I swear to God I won’t use them.

  Was I simply weak or unwilling to give up my prescription crutches? Really, they did not help me one iota; they just kept me circling a loop. I was still a mess. The only way to get out of it was to confront my past. The evil that lurked back there was a monster I still could not face. Until I did, it would own me—mind, body, and soul.

  As I walked to the front door, I could see Cam through the window. He was a beacon lighting my way. The closer I got to him, the better I started to feel. When I stepped outside, Cam took my hand and led me to his motorcycle.

  I confessed, “I’ve never been on a bike before.”

  “That’s okay. Just put your hands on my hips, and I’ll do the rest. Don’t worry. I’ll take very good care of you.”

  “Where are we going, anyway?”

  Cam kissed me to squash any interrogation I might have had in mind. But his kiss had another effect all together. It made all my nerves stand at attention. He instantly rekindled all the intoxicating desire from our previous tryst. His hard kiss was interspersed with soft nips and pecks. I grabbed the lapel of his shirt and pulled him in closer to me.

  “We can do it right here,” I proposed.

  “I have something better in mind. But let’s have dinner first.” If Cam thought that would tamp down my wanton desire, he was grossly mistaken. I relented and decided to go along with Cam’s plans for the evening.

  Cam securely fastened the spare helmet on my head and helped me mount the bike. He instructed me to put my feet on the foot pegs right before he got on. He then started the bike. It reverberated under me like having sex on a washing machine. Cam revved the engine, and we were off.

  The ride was by no means light and leisurely. Cam was aggressive, and we sped down winding back roads and a rollercoaster of hills. The motorcycle leaned almost to the pavement as he made tight turns. Fear sat in my throat, but I was enlivened by the way my life teetered on the two-wheeled apparatus. I had traveled through this same scenery hundreds of times, but it never looked as appealing as it did that afternoon—though it passed in a surreal blur. At times I even noticed things I never knew were there, like an old farm, vintage road signs, and decrepit homes abandoned long ago.

  I gripped Cam’s hips tighter as all the constraints that held me down started to disappear. As the bitter chill whipped all around us, something that went beyond the frigid temperatures rattled my spine. I looked back over my shoulder, half expecting to see some boogeyman chasing us. Nothing was there. I turned back around and tried to refocus on Cam. But I just could not shake the feeling that something sinister was brewing.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Cam whisked me away to Shandaken, a rural town in Upstate New York. Nestled in a valley, it was a homespun community that was proudly devoid of any pretention. A few steeple-topped chapels and a small yet traditional downtown added to its country charm. If I did not know better, I would swear that Shandaken was not in the same state, let alone on the same planet, as New York City.

  We pulled up to a rustic café right at the foot of a mammoth hill. Cam parked right in front, giving his gears a final rev. He then slid off the bike and held his gloved hand out to me. My legs buckled from the long drive, and my dismount was tipsy. But Cam supported my every move. The broad smile across his face told me that he was in his element. His normally intense demeanor was now relaxed and playfully easygoing. He was happy. And if Cameron Sterling was happy, I was happy for him.

  “Maybe you wouldn’t be so wobbly if you had some food in you,” he jested.

  “Maybe if someone fed me in the first place,” I said, looking around. “But I can’t fault you for bringing me here. This place is beyond words. How’d you find it?”

  “I have a cabin not far from here. I bought it as an escape from the world.”

  “Wow, your own little fuck pad. If those walls could talk.”

  “They would have no gossip to tell. I’ve never had a guest up there.”

  “And tomorrow morning what will those walls say?”

  Cam came closer to me. He took both my hands and kissed them while keeping me steady in his dark gaze. “You can’t even imagine.”

  Lilly and I had just finished dinner. I made sure we got the best table in the café. As we watched the dusk roll over the majestic snow-covered forest through a gigantic picture window, we clicked glasses of wine. A moose head was mounted on the wall right over Lilly’s head. If it had been a different woman, the effect would have been comical. But the way the candlelit flickered about Lilly’s face, that moose head just added to her mystique.

  I noticed that Lilly had dropped that fake accent. She did not realize that she had slipped into her native tongue during our free-flowing conversation; there was no doubt she was from Southern California. With the disappearance of her front, her tone was light and breezy. I marveled in the naturalness of this woman as she moved her hands with excitement while she discussed the most mundane events and rolled her eyes to playfully exaggerate points. I could not help but smile as I was transported to some unknown beach, smelling the sea breeze and squeezing sand between my toes. I dared not mention any of this to Lilly for fear she would revert to that generic way of talking and break the spell.

  After dinner Lilly and I walked hand in hand under the shroud of night. The crystal-clear sky permitted the stars to brilliantly illume our path. We made it to the opening of a covered bridge. Lilly nuzzled up close to me as the wind circled around us lightly. Despite the romantic ambiance, she was indeed a city girl, jumpy at any crunch or crackle coming from the darkness of the surrounding woods. Her eyes darted about, searching for any signs of animal predators.

  “Is it safe to be out here? What about mountain lions?”

  “There are no wild mountain lions in New York. Now pythons, that’s a different story.”

  Lilly almost jumped into my arms. “What?” She wrapped one leg around my thigh and was holding me like a life preserver.

  “I’m just messing with you,” I said.

  “That’s not funny,” Lilly said as she slid her warm leg off me. I did not want her body to leave mine. I started toward her pink, pouty lips. But Lilly pulled away and turned her head. The darkness of the night hid her face from me. Even though I knew she was not trying to be difficult, I could not figure out what was going on in her head.

  “What is it? Are you still scared?” I asked. I turned Lilly’s face toward mine. Her eyes were glistening with tears. “What’s wrong, baby?”

  Lilly inhaled deeply and held her breath for a few seconds as though she was trying to keep something down. Then a rush of air blew out of her mouth, and before she could stop herself, Lilly let go. “There are some things about my past you don’t know. I’m not the person you think I am.”

  I thought back to my dinner with Sig. Is this what he was talking about?

  Lilly continued, “I think you see me as some effervescent socialite who the world bows down to. But there is more to me than that. I have my faults and have made more mistakes than I can count. And I have a secret. One that has kept me chained on the edge of a cliff, just dangling over a raging ocean. I’ve never told anyone, but it has eaten me up inside. And now you’ve come into my life—Mr. Perfect. I don’t think I can measure up to you, and I’m terrified. When you find out how truly damaged I am, you’ll disappear.”

  I took Lilly into my arms, where she went somewhat limp. As I propped her against my chest, I knew I had to make a decision. I could either take advantage of her vulnerable state tonight and abandon her at
her house when I was done the next day. Or I could do what my heart compelled: give her compassion and understanding.

  In a way I was just as damaged as Lilly, and I wished someone would have given me the same consideration. With a tinge of my own sadness, I said, “I won’t judge you, and I won’t disappear. But you can’t keep running away from your problems. I will help in whatever way I can. However, you have to promise me that whatever you have been doing to cope, you have to stop it because it is not working. It is keeping you tethered to the very thing that is destroying you. Do you promise me?”

  Lilly looked up at me with renewed hope. “I promise.”

  Maybe it was the night’s air, or it could have been a new sense of connectedness caused by her vulnerability, but right then Lilly was utterly magnetic. My body fused to hers like she was the other half of me.

  “Stay with me tonight,” I beckoned. I gave her a soft kiss on her neck to let her know I was not in it just for the sex. I wanted to satisfy not only her body but her mind and soul as well. Suddenly I was overcome by the desire to kiss her. The hot vapor of our breaths wafted up in hazy streams as mouths met in a dizzying kiss. My tongue hungrily searched for hers, and my cheeks puckered in deep as I sucked hard on it.

  Lilly took her hand and grabbed my engorged dick, sending raging fire through it. I was as thick and long as the tall pines that surrounded us. My heart rate quickened as she stroked my member with delicate conviction. She took her other hand and meandered to my balls, alternating between kneading and finger flicks.

  I picked Lilly up, and she wrapped her legs around my waist. I was so excited I nearly rammed her as I backed her into a tree. But I slowed the momentum down enough to just give her a thump. The only thing I wanted was to get my cock inside her as our hands went wild over each other’s bodies.

  “Right here. Right now,” I said, just barely dry humping her. My hips pushed harder into hers. “I will fuck you right here.”